109. On optimization & open tabs

(262 of them, to be exact.)

Here’s something you should know about me: I have chronically open tabs.

At current count, I have 13 tabs open on my personal computer, 7 open on my work computer, and 262 open on my phone. (Yes, 262.)

Now my computer tabs are one thing (it’s A SYSTEM, ok?!), but I can almost guarantee you that I have never looked at a single one of my phone tabs after opening a new one.

Not a single one.

But the other day, I decided I needed to do a little bit of a digital declutter. I started tapping the little X’s near the top right corner of each tab, and I noticed a pattern.

Probably 75% of those tabs were about something or someone that promised to make my life “better.”

Just a few of those tabs:

• “what’s the average deadlift for a 31 year old woman”

• “sculptra realistic before & afters”

• the Dallas BMW Half Marathon sign-up page for 2026 (I think I’ll be skipping lol)

• “whoop vs oura”

• a few influencers’ Amazon storefronts

• “what’s the best way to lower your HRV”

• Armra

Some of these tabs I saw are things I’ve thought of and Googled a bunch of times (ya girl loves her Armra, is 4 years into being part of the Oura ring gang, and loves a deadlift), but most everything I saw was just one more way to, somehow…

…fix something about myself, or compare myself to something, or buy something to make myself prettier or skinnier or smarter or more productive or more pulled together or….. you get it.

And those same patterns carry over to every app I open and email I archive, too. I constantly watch and favorite videos about morning routines, and ~ how to make your home smell like a resort ~ and “the 23 ways I get everything done as a high-achiever.”

I then look at my Oura app, or my Health app, or my (God, how many apps can we have?!) and, at any given moment, see how many steps I’ve taken, how I slept last night, how my cardiovascular age is, what my readiness score is on TOP of seeing what someone else my age earns, eats, wears, lifts, reads, owns, or accomplishes before 7AM.

And don’t get me wrong: I LOVE those things and I think that kind of content is so dang fun. But I find myself in a bit of a conundrum that I’m certain a lot of people share with me:

At any point in the day, I am probably feeling a low level hum where my brain is saying “nothing is ever quite pretty enough, or polished enough, or expensive enough, or sleep-scored enough.”

You get it.

And that’s because I don’t think that, as humans, we are meant to know this much about how we could be better.

Should we want to BE better? Well, yes. Of course we should. Self improvement is a really beautiful thing, and more people need it.

But there’s a thiiiiin line here between feeling like there’s room for improvement and feeling like you always need to be editing or adjusting or productivizing or gamifying to be, well, a good person.

And as I embarked on my digital declutter (to be fair, I’m back up to God knows how many tabs, so I think it was a lost cause), I kept getting revisited by this thought:

I love improving myself, but I don’t want to be constantly looking for ways to optimize myself.

Like, yes, I want to be better at a lot of things (organization! money! fitness!), but I also don’t want to forget that I am doing a lot of things perfectly well enough.

And yes, I have a lot I want to do (write a book! decide whether or not I want to run another half! travel!), but I also don’t want to sell my current priorities and goals short.

And yes, I have a lot of ideas, but I also don’t have time to give them all the space they need to breathe.

So even though I love a list (and will write one soon, I’m sure), and love an open tab (and will have another one here in 5 seconds, I’m sure), and love a good rebranding-at-midnight Pinterest session, maybe the goal is actually to, well, be okay with where I am.

Here.

Right now.

Scratched Oura ring, crippling caffeine addiction, 262 tabs, and all.

This dress makes me feel pretty.

And sometimes that’s all you need from a dress. I got this in my Nuuly and said “I shall be purchasing this PRONTO. It’s such good quality and so versatile.

I may be about 10 years late to this, but… am I an Alexa girl now?!

Guys, I have always thought Amazon Alexas were, like, so creepy. (To be fair… I’m not saying they’re NOT.) But a few weeks ago, I bought an Echo Dot on a whim to function as a speaker/kitchen timer/occasional weather checker, and it’s kind of… changed everything for me?!

I now have two (an Echo Dot Max in my bigger dining room & a small Echo Dot in my kitchen) and I have been absolutely obsessed with this new addition to my routine. I wake up every morning and say “Alexa, play music everywhere” — yet again, I know I am behind the times here — and I just can’t believe it took me so long to join the game.

What I’ve been listening to: this playlist for day to day ~ vibes ~ and this playlist for a nice little cooking moment!

This exfoliating bar = magic.

There are 3 creators I will buy literally anything from: Emilie Kiser, hauskris, and Maggie. (Like, really. They could influence me to buy, like, dirt.) But there’s a reason for this, ofc: they’ve never done me wrong!

So when Maggie shared this Soft Services Buffing Bar a while ago, I knew I needed it. Ofc. I put it in my cart for a rainy day & ended up pulling the trigger on it after dealing with some very dry vacation skin last week, and…

…y’all. This little bar is… magical. It’s sneaky powerful, smells INSANEly good (I have the Affogato L’Orange scent), and has made my skin so, so, so soft. I’ve been using it every other time or so I’ve been in the shower (I have dry skin, so tread lightly) and already know this is going to be a repeat on my purchase list.

My first ~ classic ~ of the year.

I’ve been a reader my entire life and have never NOT loved to read. I’ve also read a lot of books, which you probably know if you’ve read this newsletter for more than about, um, 5 minutes. However, I realize more and more the older I get how many books I HAVE NOT read — and I decided earlier this year to make reading some of those famous ~ classics ~ a goal of mine.

My first to check off the list? East of Eden by John Steinbeck. This is one of my mom’s favorite books and one I’ve heard nothing but insanely good things about for as long as I can remember, but it had always felt a bit insurmountable and complicated to me growing up. When I saw it at Barnes & Noble, I decided that it was the perfect time to try it out — and guess what?

I now have a new very favorite book. This beautiful, heartwrenching, HUMAN book spins a multi-generational tale that takes place in Salinas Valley, California and explores everything from identity and family to biblical allegory to the push and pull between good and evil. You’ll meet some of the most incredible, complicated characters (Cal Trask & Samuel Hamilton & Lee, I’ll remember you forever!!!), you’ll cry, you’ll question everything you think you know about life, and you’ll have a book you’ll absolutely think about until the end of time.

I already can’t wait to reread it. (Also, this edition is gorgeous and I love it so.)

Such a breathtaking book.

Susannah Hutcheson is a copywriter & writer based in Dallas, TX. Have questions, collaboration opportunities, or just want to say hi? Contact Sus by email at susie@susiebco.com, shop some of her favorites here & here, and follow along on Instagram.

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